NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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