Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
