I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
