I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
