Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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