my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
