We named our party play list daddy issues
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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