I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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