Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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