ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
