True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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