i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
