wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
