forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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