I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
