My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
