i think i have two assholes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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