Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
