Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am mentally ready for anal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
