whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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