so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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