I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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