i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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