I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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