is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
