Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
