I accidentally had phone sex last night
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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