Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
