the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
