I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
