Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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