how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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