I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
