batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
