Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
