and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
