i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
