NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
