OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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