today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
