Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
