Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
