I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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