Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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