i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
