i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
