Do you still have your period?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
