I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
