saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
