i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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