get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
