how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
