Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
