I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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