No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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